West Side Wine

Okay, so yesterday this moron comes in, browses around for a few minutes, approaches the counter asks me my very favorite question.
“Is this drinkable?” he asks, thrusting a bottle of excellent low-priced Côtes du Rhone in my face.
Now, I spend a lot of time finding wines I love, and that subsequently my customers love, because I’m funny that way. I like my customers to come back. I never went to B-school, but I’ll bet that’s one of the principle tenets of a successful business. So when I hear that query, I basically lose it.
So I say to him, “No it’s terrible.”
“Wow, thanks a lot for the heads up, dude,” he replies, and returns the bottle to its basket.
NOW I have to explain to the idiot what sarcasm is, and then I ask him why on earth I would sell something that isn’t drinkable?
His answer? “Well, you never know.”
You’d be surprised how many times I hear this type of thing, every day. Think about how useless the question is. Who is going to say in all honesty, “No, it’s not drinkable.” If you’re a disreputable, in-it-only-for-the-buck, know-nothing liquor store owner, who doesn’t know a cabernet from caberet (of which there are many, granted), you’re going to lie and say, “Yes, it’s terrific!” If you’re someone with integrity, who painstakingly cares about what he or she sells, and a wine lover (which many of us are), it’s kind of insulting. Does this industry have such a reputation that the consumer expects to be ripped of with something akin to Night Train every time they buy a bottle of wine that’s reasonably priced? Apparently so.
I can’t think of another industry where someone walks into your establishment and questions your integrity. I do hear it in restaurants from time to time, but nowhere else. I don’t hear, “Is this sweater wearable? Is this book readable? Is this bracelet worth the price?”
Here’s a tip: Stop and think about what you’re asking when you encounter a wine that you don’t know, and that happens to be a bargain. How about, “Tell me about this wine?” for starters. That’s intelligent. If the merchant can’t answer you in any way besides just saying “It’s really good,” move on and find another wine shop. If the merchant gives you an informed answer, chances are you’re in for a good bottle of wine. And you’ve probably also learned something. What a concept!
If you get anywhere near me with that “drinkable” question, prepare yourself for my wrath. But if you get what I’m saying, we’ll be long friends. As we should be.